Playing Medic: Things You Should Know

Playing Medic: Things You Should Know

  1. You are the most important member of your team, bar none. Scouts are completely useless, relying on your generous nature to survive more than a few seconds in a firefight. Pyros, demos, heavies and soldiers require your help constantly, probably because they're only played by the intellectually challenged. Snipers and spies don't do anything anyway.

    You are the person behind every cap and every steal. Never let yourself forget it. Oh, sure, Valve weighted the scoring system against you, but don't worry; deep in their heart, that heavy who charged the last point knows it's actually you that won it for the team.

Burning heavy
  1. Everyone is only shooting you because they like you so much. As a relatively meek class, it's clear that your partner's only job is to keep you alive. Their only job, mind; no capping, no taking the intel, no kicking ass.

    So, every time you die, it is somebody else's failure. Make sure you remind them of it.

Exploded demo
  1. Any time you uber is a good time to uber. You're sure to get people complaining though. "Too soon", they'll say when their incompetence prevents them from destroying the nearest sentry gun. "Too late", they'll say when they run around a blind corner into half the other team and you decide not to follow.

    When you're met with such criticism, you have a few options. The poor medic laughs it off. The mediocre medic just keeps on playing. Let me educate you as to the technique of the AWESOME medic.

    Have a pen and pad sitting beside your keyboard. Any time anyone (yes, _anyone_) criticises you, mark their name down. Put it in nice, bold lettering, so that you can see it at a glance.

    And the next time that player is calling for a medic, the next time that player is on thirty health and burning rapidly away to zero, the next time they're looking directly at you and want nothing more than to be healed, the next time their screams of "MEDIC!" fill your chat window: that time, turn your back on them. Find the nearest scout or sniper, and heal them instead.

Burning heavy
  1. Triage is harder than it looks. Say you have a few soldiers, burning, running toward you. The noob medic immediately starts evaluating their health and position, to see which he or she should heal first. WRONG! The correct tactic is to recall which player last said thank you, or credited you with a win. That's the person you should heal.

    And don't get all soppy and try to save all of them. You can't (even if you can). That's life. The people you like get healed, and anyone who criticises you is toast.

Burning heavy


Heavies, as you can see, have giant Pyro cross-hairs painted on them from birth.
Brilliant! I espically love the part about writing their name down for later so you can purposly not heal them. I loved that!
I've been cursed harder as medic than the time I shit on a girl's textbook. Ignoring people who want you to heal them has been gasoline to their fiery assholic rage. Wonderful, beautiful gasoline. Aside from this advice though you pretty much have everything wrong. Scout is an uberclass played properly, medics aren't always played by me and are often retarded, so it's not worth protecting them if they'll end up sniper-bait, and healing people who thank you? I guess it's satisfying, but more satisfying is winning, and in those cases, I'll heal the better/more appropriate player, and if that means healing a sniper or engie, so be it.

Also, if you're complaining that the point system favours other classes, it's probably a sign that you're a sub-par medic. I recommend investing more time in the other classes so you can understand the nuances of the perfectly balanced class system and how to keep momentum going. Good luck, and don't despair if no one is protecting you, your quick loss will allow for a quick shuffle of the teams, and xenu willing, you'll get one or two cooperative players.
It's irony.

You're an asshole of a medic.

As a medic I do agree that we are the most important members of the team, however, the team should come first. not your personal vendettas.

That brings you down to the level of the guy who goes spy purely to get revenge on the person dominating him.
Yeah, I know. It's a joke. But it's kinda how I feel as I play medic; what I'd do if I weren't constantly forcing myself to think of the team.
Does that make me an asshole if I play Spy constantly?
Yes, i play more for the team win, but I enjoyed this because I know exactally how you feel!!!! haha
Umm... are all you serious commentors kidding me?

Nobody recognizes a little sarcastic comedy anymore...

Although Exar's right, if Medics grab a good enough partner, take the right routes, Uber at the right times, etc, they can easily be some of the highest scoring players in the game. And, at least in all the matches I'VE been in, Medics get quite a bit of respect.

Remember, everybody but you HATES playing medic. If you play medic, that just means they don't have to, and everybody's happy. :P
Haha Fuckin Funny:)
Teh Jae
I LIKE YOU! You and me think alike. But i tend to heal my team otherside unless the've been dicks or me or tend to spam that Medic button like brainless idiots. I don't write names down..but if i do remember a shitty player..i tend to ignore them.
I usually suck as Medic, but I do actually keep a list of the people who aren't complete ass at TF2. This way, i can heal them, and let the idiots plunge themselves into pits and such.
the author of this article is a loser and stands against all my gaming principles. any player's main goal should be helping their team the best way they can, that doesn't mean selectively healing or healing based on who hasn't pettily offended you.
I agree, we are gods. We are jolly green giants, with medpacks!
I gots me a saww blade bitches!
As a professional gamer i have taken this article very seriously and furthermore i th
Eh, I have to disagree with the comments about soldiers, pyros, etc being "intellectually challenged."

And yes, there IS a wrong time to uber. Too early or too late can be detrimental.
It's a joke. Besides: I've just passed medic in hours as a soldier. So, you can look forward to a post about how stupid pocket medics are soon. :-)